Just Say No to iPods

So I've been feeling like every time I finish writing my blog entry and hit "Publish Post", my blog is sent out into the universe.....wherever blogs go to die.

I guess that's okay, since the purpose of this is basically for me to write. And it's been therapeutic. I've been rather depressed this past week. Mostly because I'm so broke. I shouldn't be. I guess that's the part that really gets me. I earn a decent living, I can pay all my bills and buy all the things I need. But I'm bad at managing money. And since I get paid only once every month, I'm usually broke the last few days of the month. At first, I'm all.."whoo hoooo, look at how much money I have." Then I proceed to buy stuff; stuff I don't need.

For example, right now, I really want an iPod Touch. I mean I really, really, really want an iPod Touch. I've been  pricing them on E-Bay.....just waiting for my next direct deposit to post. Somewhere in my brain is a little voice telling me I really don't need that iPod Touch, and that I should try something different this month. Like maybe using that money to pay down my credit cards balances. Dammit, reality bites sometimes.

I mean I should really stop buying things I don't need. The more I think about it, the more I realize I should do this. One month....how about I wait at least 1 month? 1 month, I can do that. This January, I will refrain from buying crap that I don't need. I'll just see how it feels.

Sometimes I think I buy things to reinforce the denial. Denial that I have unpaid debt, that I don't own my own home, that I'm single and childless. I've never been one to make New Year's Resolutions. I don't think I've ever made one, in fact.

But, I think it's time. Something needs to change.

The other thing? I'm thinking more and more about this writing thing. I remember when I was teenager, all I wanted to do was write. I was so sure that's would I would do for a living, there was no question, no doubt. Now, all that fills my mind 24/7 is doubt.

I'm in a very safe and secure industry. Though I'm not good with my money, I'm never worried about where my next pay check will come from. But I need to do more with this writing.

I've looked at other blogs, web sites. Other people are doing it. I hate to think I'm so arrogant that I think I could do a better job, but well, I sort of do. I think I have something say.

So while I'm weaving my way through single-ville making sense of life without a man; I feel like I'm ready to do something with my writing. I want to be writer. The problem of course, is getting people to like and read what you write. So my next step is to at the very minimum get a web site started, to showcase all my skills and talents as a writer on my own web page. Geez...that sounds so Hollywood.

My other step is to just say no to the iPod. And not be flat broke at the end of the month.