She's Just Not That Into Your Cock

So a few days ago I watched He's Just Not That Into You. It was entertaining and cute, but then I started to think about the whole concept more. I'm tired about hearing how women just need to understand when a man is "just not that into her." There have been books, articles and movies....ever since the revelation was discovered on Sex and the City. LOMG (Like Oh My God), you mean the fact that he doesn't call me, or generally express any interest in being around me means....he's just not that into me? As if, women are just so completely stupid for not understanding these codes of conduct.

Hey guys....here's an idea: how about you just tell her you're not that into her? Really, it would save everyone involved a lot of time, Cosmo quizzes, money and unnecessary restraining orders. I mean honestly, you all go on and on about how difficult women are and how simple you all are? Really? I mean....really? Then why do women have to waste their valuable time reading books and articles about how to tell you are just not into them? I'm not saying anything....I'm just saying.

This also got me thinking....it's not as if you all aren't guilty of the exact same thing. Except, in your case, it's not generally a relationship she's not that into. No....and I hate to break it to you, but sometimes she's just not into your cock. And since, generally you don't understand things unless they're defined within the perimeter of your cock, I've taken it upon myself to do exactly that.

So, gentlemen; here are some tell tale signs that She's Just Not That Into Your Cock.

1. You slept with her and she hasn't returned your calls ever since.
2. She tells you sex really isn't that important to her, but sports a massive dildo collection in her bedside drawer.
3. At some point, you apologized to her after sex (this is a literal death sentence for your penis).
4. She tells you how great you are at oral, but not at the other.
5. You have any kind of erection problem....it doesn't matter what we say or how much we seem to understand. We think it's us and we don't like it. 3 words: See your doctor.
6. The first time she touched your penis, she was quiet. This is a bad sign. Quiet or neutral generally means,    " I'm disappointed with your cock."
7. At some point, you asked her if she "liked" your package. This is basically an extension of  #6. But if you have to ask her, well then, I believe you already have your answer.
8. She doesn't bother to fake it; it's a little known secret that if a woman likes your penis, she'd rather fake it, than have you know she didn't climax.
9. She has a friend named Fernando. Or Rodrigo or Antonio....any male friend whose name ends with an O basically spells trouble for you and your penis.
10. She has photos of the said individual's penis on her cell phone.


By no means is this list exhaustive. There are plenty of other signs that a woman is not into your cock. Why is that so hard?